Regrets
by Spider-monkey girl
Summary: What if Jacob had not saved Bella in New Moon? AU
1. Regretting

**Heya! Ok, I know I promised this a while ago, but I've been busy. Now, to explain this story's situation: Bella and Jacob were less close in New Moon, and therefore Jacob wasn't there to see Bella jump. Nobody rescued her, and she was missing until her body washed up on the shore.**

EPOV

The moment my phone rang, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it in my heart. Many months of living alone had made me pay attention to my feelings, and I was feeling something bad. Inside of me, something was gone. Bella had given me part of her soul when I left, and that was the only thing that kept me alive – knowing that she was alive and living a normal human life. But now, it felt like that was gone. I had no strings to attach me to life. The last time I had felt this dead was when I was nearly killed in the Spanish influenza.

My phone rang again from where it was lying on the floor. Slowly I picked it up and pressed the little green button. "Hello," I said into the phone. My voice sounded dead and flat, and I barely recognised myself. "Edward, I have some news for you," Rosalie said smugly. "Well hurry up then!" I snapped impatiently. If she phoned me just to taunt me then I would just hang up on her. "Bella has killed herself."

The phone beeped in my ear, telling me that Rose had hung up on me, but I barely heard it. Those four words had killed me. Love, life, meaning – over.

But Rosalie was known for not liking me. I considered it a character trait of hers. I slowly dialled numbers which had not graced my phone for a long time. I stared at them for a few minutes, wishing that I could call and she could answer. I sighed, and pressed the green button.

"Hello?" A familiar voice answered, sounding choked up. "Alice!" I snarled, "what are you doing there? I told you, no interference!"

"I'm sorry Edward, I really am," Alice sobbed,"but I watched her jump, by accident, and I came to see if I could find a way to help Charlie."

I stayed silent for a moment, debating on what to answer with. On one hand, it would be a good thing for her to be able to comfort Charlie, he would be devastated. On the other hand, Alice disobeyed my instructions. . .

"I told you no interaction, Alice! I also told you to not look into her future!" Alice sniffed, then shouted back, "The vision came on it's own, Edward! I wasn't trying!"

I snarled to myself, letting some of my frustration out. "But you still didn't have to go over there!" I was expecting Alice to argue hotly with me over this instantly, but she kept quiet. "Alice?" I asked. "I have to go Edward. Charlie is on his way back." My brows furrowed as I realised that Charlie couldn't possibly have been in the house while Alice and I had this conversation. "Back from where?" I asked. "The funeral," Alice answered stiffly. I hung up on her immediately.

Bella was dead, gone. I wound never see her again. Well, there was one possibility. In Forks, there was an old tradition then the funeral service and the burial were kept separate. Those who couldn't make it to the funeral could come to see the body one last time before it was buried. If I could get there fast enough, then I may be able to see her once more. See, but not touch.

I stood up from the dusty floor, noticing how my body was slightly stiff from lack of use. But somehow, I couldn't find it in me to care. Bella was dead, and that was the only thing that mattered.

Soon I was booked for the first flight I could get back to Forks. I ran as fast as I could to the airport. The sooner I got there, the sooner I could see Bella again.

The plane journey was infuriatingly long. All through it I kept my eyes on the clock, focusing on those numbers ticking down, until eventually it read one minute left. As soon as we get through the terminal, I looked around for my Taxi, which SHOULD be here. Eventually I spotted a sign which read 'Peterson'. I had already destroyed my Cullen credit card. I counted myself outside of the family.

I kept quiet in the Taxi. When we reached Forks, and the driver told me that it would be $50 with a smirk, I handed over the money without question.

I walked slowly through the town. Some people recognised me, and stopped to offer me a lift, if they were in a car, but I ignored them and carried on walking.

The church was a sorry sight. The walls were a murky brown, only interrupted by patches of moss and faded stained glass windows. I strolled slowly through the graveyard, looking at the dates on the headstones. I recognised a few names from the last time we were here. It saddened me to think that soon, my Bella would be lying here too, in a coffin covered with dirt and grass.

I got to the door fairly quickly. Bella's coffin was lying in a table next to the Alter. I strode up there and peered in.

Bella was laid in there, looking slightly more peaceful than she ever did in life, considering all the worrying that she did. Her hair was splayed out like a fan on the pillow her head was resting on. Her eyes were closed, and from what I could tell, she looked almost like she was sleeping. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine that this was just another night spent in her bedroom, and that at any moment she might open her mouth ans sleep-talk.

I noticed that the glass covering her was loose. I unlatched it and reached in to touch her face. Her skin was at a normal Vampire temperature, which would mean that to a human, she would feel cold. I stroked down from her cheekbone to her jaw, wishing that I had stayed. If I hadn't gone, this wouldn't have happened. Alice would have seen it all, and we would have stopped her from going to La Push in the first place.

Gently I lowered myself into the coffin, and lay next to her, willing myself to believe in my imagination that I had changed Bella, that the cold was natural and the reason her body was hard was because she was a Vampire.

I stayed like that for several minutes, hoping. . .wishing that I had stayed. Vampires, as a rule, do not regret choices that they have made, but I was feeling the urge to ram my head into the stone of the church until my body disintegrated. Even though that would simply smash the wall into smithereens.

As soon as I heard the sound of Charlie and his friend Billy coming up to the church, I leaped up from my coffin bed, ironically enough.

I placed one last, lingering kiss on Bella's lips, and then sprinted towards the door. Charlie and Billy were already half way up the path, but at this point I was beyond caring. I flew past Charlie at Vampire speed, but there was no reason for him to suspect that the breeze and flash of colour that sailed past him was me. It didn't matter if he recognised me anyway. I had a very special date with the Volturi.

**Ok, I hope it didn't make you cry (which is unlikely) but enjoyed it anyway, since I worked a while on this!**

**Until next time, cheerio!**

**oxox Spider-monkey girl**


	2. Deciding

**Ok, so originally this was going to be a oneshot. But then I began to think of what else I could put down, and then the words began to come, and now it's a twoshot!**

APOV

I stood in the hallway of the Swan residence. The visions of Bella jumping. . .they had haunted me until I defied Edward's order of 'No interference'. I felt so guilty, but mad at Edward even more so. He had thought Bella being around us unhealthy, but he didn't foresee this, did he?

Suddenly 'Barbie girl' rang on my phone, indicating that Rosalie was calling. I reluctantly pressed the green button. I wasn't sure what she would be calling me again for, since I had already told her about Bella's suicide.

"What now Rose?" I asked impatiently. "I told Edward your news," she said smugly. My breath caught in my throat. I'd always thought it was just an expression, but I literally couldn't breathe. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM?" I shrieked at Rosalie. I could have got Carlisle and Esme to break it to him gently. Now Edward was likely to go on one of his mardy rages. "I. . .just wanted him to know," Rosalie lied. But I knew her, and what she _really_ wanted was to get to him. "I never wanted to hurt him," she added, trying to sound innocent. "Save your sympathy for someone who believes it," I snapped, and hung up.

I began to sob tearlessly. I had lost my best friend, and now I was likely to loose my brother. It all began to add up, and for a moment I wished I was human, so I could cry properly.

A minute later the house phone rang. Surely Rose wouldn't call back so soon? I picked it up, and asked cautiously "Hello?"

"Alice! What are you doing there? I told you, no interference!" Edward's voice snarled at me from the other end. I tried to stop crying so that I could talk properly. "I'm sorry Edward, I really am, but I saw her jump, by accident," I explained "and I came to see if I could do anything to help Charlie." I hoped that Edward would believe me. I didn't need Edward mad at _me_ too.

Edward was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he was going to yell at me again. "I told you no interaction, Alice! I also told you not to look into her future!" I sniffed, pulling the words together, "The vision came on it's own, Edward! I wasn't trying!"

Edward snarled. "But you still didn't have to go over there!" He argued. I was going to argue, but then a vision of Charlie in a car came. "Alice?" Edward inquired. "I've have to go Edward. Charlie is on his way back."

"Back from where?" Edward asked. "The funeral," I answered, stating the obvious. Then he hung up on me.

I sighed, and went to sit in the sitting room. Hopefully Charlie wouldn't be mad at me, though I wouldn't blame him if he was.

I sat for a few minutes, awaiting Charlie's return. Pretty soon I heard his car rumble up the drive, and he unlatched the door with a curious "Hello?". I walked to the hall looking dejected, and explained "I'm sorry about Bella, Charlie. I came as soon as I heard." He sighed, and said, "of course it's alright, Alice. After all, it's not _your _fault."

EPOV

A calm peace spread over me as I relaxed into my plane seat. Soon I would be reunited with Bella, and everything would be right. I wasn't in too much of a hurry. Yes, I felt guilty, but I would be able to see her again soon, and apologise for ever leaving her.

The flight seemed to take no time at all, although I knew that really it had taken normal time. I moved in a dreamlike state as I rented a car that would never be returned, and drove to Volterra. My mind was going through all the ways in which I could attract the Volturi's attention, but I knew that the most simple way would be to step in the sunlight. Fortunately, it was a bright and sunny day, so there would be no issues with that course of action.

I considered showing myself to the Volturi, but that would only make them hold me back. I didn't want to be held back. I wanted to be killed for revealing myself.

I parked the car, and waded through the masses, all of whom were dressed in red. St Marcus' day. How ironic. As I got out of the car, and began walking to the clock tower, someone appeared beside me. She materialised out of thin air, and she matched my steps as I continued my journey. Bella had returned, for a while, at least.

When we got to the shadows of the tower, I turned to face her. "Amazing," I marvelled "Carlisle was right." I pondered this for a while, then quoted "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, yet hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_." Bella smiled, then told me, "as soon as you step into the sunlight, be prepared for the Volturi. Even now they come for you. Be quick, Edward, and I will see you soon." She pressed her lips against mine, stepped back, and vanished.

I hurriedly stripped off my shirt, and threw it on the ground. My sensitive Vampire ears could hear the Volturi running to stop me, but I had already stepped forward into the sunlight before me.

Instantly I could feel the people's gazes on me, at the sparkles I threw around the courtyard like a disco ball. After a few seconds, I felt hard arms dragging me back to the shadows roughly. Sharp teeth scrabbled at my neck severing my head from my body. I felt a brief spark of pain, then my spirit floated up from my body.

My family would be upset, and for a second I wished that I could have had a chance to say goodbye. But I was going to be reunited with Bella, forever.

And that was the only thing that mattered.

**How is it? Is it sad, or just plain bad? Well, you know what to do. Review!**

**Yours faithfully**

**Spider-monkey girl**

**oxox**


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